Wednesday, February 1, 2012

The kitchen floor is spicy enough, thank you

Let the Flashback Series continue! You need to understand the trouble I've seen....

Time: Summer 2005
Place: Salt Lake City, Utah
Kids: Age 3 1/2
Challenge: Never let 'em catch you sleeping

The thermometer in the car read 109 degrees. We were dying. It was a Friday evening and I had just picked the kids up from daycare. Once home, Clifford wandered over to the refrigerator to grab whatever he could reach when he turned to look at me and let out a simple "no light". WHAT?? Ugh. The power had gone out.

Clearly the neighborhood electricity couldn't handle all the people desperately trying to cool themselves off and just gave up. And it must have happened right before we got home, because the house was still cool.

I ran around closing all the blinds in the house so the sun wouldn't continue to heat it up, and promptly called the power company to report the outage. They were very clear about my needing to get myself and the kids out of the house so we don't die. "Go see a movie" the representative suggested. Really? I would rather put forks in my eyes than take 2 3-year-olds to a movie theater. No thanks.

I called my brother instead and we headed over there to sit in the shade of all his trees. It was a perfect idea.

Fast forward to MIDNIGHT and they still hadn't restored the power. "To hell with it, we're going home".

Of course, the house was stifling and the kids wouldn't dare sleep a room away with no lights, so they piled into my bed, which made things so much cooler for me. I spent the entire night getting kicked in the ribs and sweating my ass off. They slept like babies, of course.

7AM the power comes back on. AMEN. The house cooled down and all was well. Except for me who didn't get any sleep and was about to drop.

"Ten minutes, that's all I need, the kids are quietly watching Spongebob....ten minutes". So I took my measly ten minute nap.


I awoke to that horrible, deafening silence to find both kids in nothing but diapers sitting on the kitchen counter SEASONING the kitchen floor. Every spice I had sitting on the back of the stove, to include the can of Olive Oil Pam, had been unloaded onto the floor, which was marble. You ever tried to walk on a marble floor with oil on it? It's like ice skating.

Of course I started crying...and cursing. I skated over to the kids, snatched them off the counter and wiped them down. Then spent the next 2 hours mopping and re-mopping my oily marble floor. I should have taken pictures so I could yell at them later in life when they probably would have cared.  But I was too insane by that point...and had the cleanest marble kitchen floor in the neighborhood.

Moral? Don't turn your back on a 3-year-old. They'll jack up your kitchen.

1 comment:

  1. Hello. :)

    I have recently come across your blog which I very much enjoy reading! I am a blogger myself. I mostly write about the little needle felted creations that I make and sell in my shop on Etsy. (

    I am writing to tell you about a contest I am having on my blog called "Bring Your Child's Drawing to Life." Even though I don’t have children yet of my own, I love working with them and I’m very fond of children’s artwork. If your kids enjoy art and drawing, I highly encourage you to enter their artwork in this contest. The winning illustration will receive a felted wooly created from your own child's imagination. :)

    I am so excited about having this contest. I'm going to be offering this service in my Etsy shop to bring children's art to life so this will be a great way to start it out. And I would greatly appreciate if you would tell other parents about this contest, as well.

    If you would like to read more, please visit my blog post about on the contest guidelines and information:

    And please feel free to contact me if you have any questions.

    — B