Tuesday, July 31, 2012

I got this...

I am clearly my Father's daughter.

As far back as I can remember, I've been fiercely independent. At times to a fault, but I know how to do stuff. Lots of stuff. My Dad taught me how to take care of myself, and I learned by watching my Mom kick ass on a regular basis.

For instance, I can light the pilot light on a gas hot water heater, I can hook up my own cable, and I can definitely put oil and washer fluid in my car. I couldn't change the flat tire on my car last August because the damn this basically outweighed me, so I called Richard to help me drag that giant thing off the car and into the trunk. We all have our helpless moments.

Not sure where I gathered all these wonderful skills, but I got em. So there.

All these skills have come in extra handy since we have our big move coming up...TOMORROW. For the last month I have been strategically boxing up the whole house and just this evening found myself removing the stands from all the flat screen TVs and putting those TVs in the original boxes...yes I kept the original boxes (thanks Dad, that's your doing).

It's a good thing I'm this talented. After all, Richard has been tied to his desk at work in anticipation of our long-awaited vacation to Mexico on Saturday. We obviously don't make things easier for ourselves by scheduling a week in Mexico only days after a move, which fell days after two back to back weekends out of town for weddings.

I like to live on the edge.

So, in preparation for the movers, who arrive at 8AM tomorrow, I am working my way through the bottles of wine I've managed to collect just so I don't have to box them up. Seems reasonable to me. Who wants to move extra stuff when you can drink it?

All in all, my hopes include a stress and scratch free day...if they can get the sofa through the door. If not, I will be cutting that thing in half. I have friends with chainsaws.

Friday, July 27, 2012

A note about airport fashion (and etiquette)

I'm not a regular traveler. Although I have traveled a lot in my lifetime, it's nothing compared to some of my friends who are on planes weekly for their jobs.

Having said this, I don't consider myself to be a professional. But I definitely consider myself to be a reasonable airport dresser.

This morning as I sat at the gate ready to hop a flight to Boston for my cousin's wedding, I couldn't help but notice all the girls dressed like they were going on a date, all decked out in dresses, heels, and full-coverage makeup. Me? Jeans, t-shirt, lil bit of mascara.

Why do these girls pull out all the stops to go to the airport? I don't like wearing heels when I should be all dressed up, let alone hobbling through the airport dragging all my crap like a teetering pack mule.

Maybe there are lots of available future ex-husbands on planes and I just never noticed.

Now on to the etiquette.

While I was sitting and judging all the heel-wearing ladies, I took notice of a younger guy sitting 3 seats to my left, leaving 2 seats between us. He was all busy listening to music on his iPad which he had strategically placed on the empty seat to his right.

A nice old couple walks through looking for a place to sit and the kid just stared at them like "what, my ipad needs a seat of its own...move along."

Why? Why must people feel they need to take up as much room as possible and force the little old couple to sit on the terminal floor while their iPad rests comfortably on the seat to the right? Jerks.

And of course as I'm balking at this, I glanced to my right and observed the girl 2 seats to my right making her purse all cozy in the empty set between us.

Be decent and put your crap on the floor!

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Airfare discount? Not so much....

You know those emails you get from internet travel and airline websites that flood your email inbox, and your brain, with spectacular offers promising dirt cheap flights?

Yeah, they're all a bunch of crap. And no, I'm not really surprised.

I get that they want you to get alllll excited and click on the link and frantically search for your city to see what kind of crazy deal you can get only to find yourself completely disappointed in the end. Well, maybe that last part isn't really their intent, but it happens to me EVERY TIME.

My Mom and I have been doing some research on one-way flights from Salt Lake to Washington DC so she can bring the kids home next month. She sent me a link to an airline site promising "One-Way Fare Sales! Starting at $69! Book Now & Save!". So here we go.

I am fully aware that most of these internet generated emails are complete nonsense, but just once...just once I want to be able to take advantage of one of these "sales".

After digging around in the fine print, I noticed a teeny statement in the rules and regulations....."Offer not available to/from.....Washington D.C. (Dulles); Washington D.C. (Reagan National)..."

WHY?? Why aren't we invited??? Such crap.

Where do I have to live? Apparently I can get crazy and book one of those $69 flights to Baltimore, which would be doable...but I have to be coming from Albany. Not really doable. So irritating.

For now we are stuck with airfare that STARTS at $221 per ticket, each way. I know I live close to the Pres and all, but we don't get invited to the same parties. I know you're shocked.

Dear airline peeps,
I sincerely appreciate the on-going effort to offer discounted airfare to the people of Albany and still make some money so you don't have to file for bankruptcy, but please consider those of us in the Washington DC area, which you have so cruelly excluded like a high school bully would exclude that skinny kid who still has to grow into his ears. We are discount-loving people too, big ears or not.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Snip snip SNIP!

He's at it again!! The crazed nail clipping guy across the floor is doing it again and all I can hear right now is SNIP!!


It's been exactly 7 days since my last post so this must be a weekly thing. And sadly the only way I will know who the perp is would be to follow the sound and confront him mid-snip. I'm a little afraid to do that. He could come after me with his little clippers, then where would I be?? They have those stabby nail file pointy things. There could be blood. No thanks.

I may have to do some recon and leave a nice, passive-aggressive note. Just like the ones you leave in the office refrigerator when someone eats your Lean Cuisine.

In other news, the womens' bathroom on this floor no longer smells like ferrets. Seems they've worked that out.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

You have your own bathroom...USE IT

After being away for the last two weeks, the kids made it safely from their Dad's in Arkansas to my Mom's in Park City and are tearing it up at skateboard camp. No drama, no fighting, no broken bones. I supposed they save all those things for me. They love me.
It's taken me about a week, but I realize how boring my life is without the kids being in the house telling me they plan to move out because I was so mean and took away their iPods. They provide all the nonsense....

So I will spend this time telling you all about why I think it's NOT okay to clip your fingernails at the office.

I can't believe people are THAT busy they can't do this at home. On two separate occasions today...TWO different people who sit within earshot of me....'snip....snip...snip...SNIP'. There was so much snipping, I was convinced the perp had moved on to his toes.


This is not socially acceptable. Save it for your bathroom....and don't get me started on the office bathroom. That's for another blog post on another day. For now I'm wrapped up in the 'snip snip snip'.


I am now going to gracefully throw Richard under the bus....sometimes trimming your nails (as a guy) is just one of those things you forget to do as you're getting ready to go somewhere and the next thing you know, you're in the car and digging around in the glove compartment for the nail clippers that your well-prepared girlfriend (that would be me) thought to have in there in the first place. It used to happen all the time, not so much anymore. He's evolving.

But why do guys do it at work, at their desks, where unsuspecting 'snip snip' victims have to be tortured? Shame.

I sincerely hope I can instill in my boys that one should save the snipping for one's own bathroom. The ladies will appreciate it, I promise.

And the ladies aren't off the hook at the office.
Next up? 'Ladies who treat the office bathroom like a Port-O-John at an outdoor festival that's been going for 7 days'.

Stay tuned

Monday, July 2, 2012

Well this is a first-- for me anyway

Ah, summer. It's hotter than hell and the weather is completely crazy. And I've never seen weather as crazy as Friday night's freak 'hurricane-like" debaucle.

With the kids off in Arkansas visiting their Dad, Richard and I have all this free time to do things like go to dinner, which we thought was a great plan for a Friday night. Since we live within walking distance to a nice collection of restaurants, we decided to hoof it....until we realized it was 102 degrees (really) so we called a cab.

Dinner was nice...we wandered about for a few hours and at about 10:30 or so, decided it was time to head home. Knowing we weren't really able to get a cab, we decided to walk.

That was a really great idea until we got about 5 minutes or so up the hill, the sky opened up, winds began to whip around (we found out later they were up to 91 miles per hour) and Richard looked at me and said "turn around and RUN!". I would have sworn it was a tornado, but apparently it was just some freak storm with winds so sudden and so strong that it was throwing trees into peoples' homes...and we were out in that.

The next few minutes are a bit of a blur, mostly because I could barely see a foot in front of me due to all the debris flying at me and all the dirt in my eyes. This is how I'm going out? I'm gonna be taken out by a flying tree limb? Auntie Em, it's a twister! No, I'm hauling ass to the nearest shelter...which turned out to be a condo building with a garage door that was stuck open.

Amen for that, but as soon as I turned the corner, my foot caught the curb, I rolled my ankle and basically FACEPLANTED into the concrete. Richard had to come back and get me. It was awful. There was screeching.

Once we were in the garage and away from whatever it was that was ripping trees out of the ground and throwing them around, I was able  to remove all the dirt from my face, and the leaves from my hair, and to survey the damage to my foot in the dim glow of the emergency lighting. Didn't look terrible, but it wasn't great.

We eventually made our way out into the rain when the winds had settled down and stumbled upon some friends who were able to get us home. Sheer luck.

Now we have no power and we've had no power since that night. I have really gnarley bruises, and it's hot. So hot that we've sought refuge at the mall (along with the rest of the powerless universe) and have stayed with incredibly generous friends THANK YOU PAT AND KRISTA!! and found a hotel that wasn't completely sold out....and now we have this....

RIP refrigerator contents...you will be missed


So now we wait. The power companies are saying it could be through next weekend before all power is restored in the area. At least I will no longer have rotting chicken stinking up the house. That was gross. And Richard and I are getting pretty good at living like nomads, that's a skill, right?

I can get a jump start on cleaning out the fridge since we still have to MOVE....better than taking a tree limb to the face.