Thursday, September 13, 2012

Shady moms are underrated

This is how I know I could probably get away with poisoning someone....

Not in a "riveting episode of Snapped" way, but in a "kids are giving me shit so I'll work around it" way.

A little history:

The kids finally started school, and it was a bumpy start at best. The two of them, although 10 year old boys, have the attitudes (and the tendency to whine) like 15 year old girls. Squealing and all.

Something happened within the last year. I'm not certain what, but I now have too crabby bitches on my hands. So from the first day of school a week and a half ago til now, I've seen more mood swings and unexplained behavior than can be found in a David Lynch movie.

It's exhausting.

Needless to say, but I'll say it anyway, our morning routine has yet to be established with any success. Clothing needs to be put on, breakfast needs to be consumed, ADHD meds need to be taken. And this last part is not negotiable. I couldn't care less if the kids rolled out of the house wearing pajama bottoms and shirts that are 3 sizes too small, at least they'll have their meds in them.

Which of course has been the subject of 7 AM meltdowns lately. I feel really bad for our new neighbors.

On top of all this craziness, I've decided my life didn't have quite enough challenges so I put the kids on a completely Gluten free/Casein free diet. And being the genius mom that I am, I've been sneaking handfuls of spinach into their morning smoothies (which they love). So...HA! Eat your veggies, boys!

This week I decided to take all this deception to the next level by emptying their ADHD med capsules into the smoothies. A few quick stirs and voila! No more bitching at me over not wanting to swallow giant pills.

And just like with the spinach, I'm certain they know exactly what I'm doing. They figured out the spinach trick soon into our smoothies for breakfast ritual and I didn't know that until I was simultaneously trying to make them and shoo the kids out of the kitchen so they wouldn't be on to me. Alexander spits out "hey Clifford, you know there's spinach in there". Thanks, Alexander.

They still drink them. I win.

Now every morning they get their sneaky spinach and fruit smoothies laced with magical ADHD fairy dust before they even get out of bed. My hope is between that and depriving them of real bread and cheese sticks, they'll settle down and I won't have to write apology notes and stick them on the neighbor's door.

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