Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Maybe I'll try olives next

Who's seen Mouse Hunt? For those who haven't, it's a super cute holiday movie about two brothers who inherit a really old house from their Father, but it's a wreck and they have to fix it up so they can get rich selling it.

Too bad there's a mouse living behind the walls, and this little furry creature manages to evade all traps and the brothers' (and Christopher Walken's) efforts to catch him only end up bringing the house to the ground.

I have this very mouse living underneath my kitchen cabinets. It is neither super nor cute in this holiday season.

I have been on a quest to catch this mouse (and all of his friends) for more than 2 months now.

It all started one Sunday evening. There we were, relaxing in front of an episode of Homeland (which is stressful enough), when out of the corner of my eye I see movement in the dining room.

There he was...evil thing. And to make it worse, that little brownish-gray creature was doing dances on the hardwood floors no more than 30 feet from me.


Immediately, I leave Richard on the couch and head to the grocery store for traps.

I set those things all over the kitchen and entrance to the dining room and was absolutely certain I would have myself a mouse by morning.


Fast forward a few weeks and we all came home for the evening to discover one poor mousy soul who had met his match...but it wasn't the one I saw.

Okay okay that's progress. We'll just leave the traps out and eventually we'll get "the one", right?

No mouse.

Fast forward a few more weeks and I could hear him chewing his way through something underneath the kitchen cabinets. It got so loud that I found myself yelling "PIPE DOWN!!" when I was trying to hear the news on TV. Just like having another kid in the house.

Now he's a resident.

Fast forward another week and I realized that there was a significant space between the fridge and the cabinets, which were hollow underneath, so I set a trap right there....I'm getting this mouse!

The very next day.....

I'll tell you what you can do with that trap....

I was clearly losing the battle against this creature. Thanks for the lovely dryer lint nest, Mr. Mouse.

Not being one to give up easily, I checked all the traps to be sure they were set properly and continued to wait.....and wait.....

The chewing had since stopped so I thought that maybe we got lucky and he found another family to torture, when just two days later, I was sitting on the couch and once again spotted this little turd scooting around the dining room.

Now it's on, little mouse.

I ran into the kitchen and loaded 4 more traps with gobs of peanut butter, totally confident that by the next day I would have that mouse where I wanted him.

Next day...no mouse.

Is he the only mouse on the planet who doesn't like peanut butter??

Maybe we should just keep him as a pet.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

I don't get it

So.... quite a while ago I took notice of something that other parents do all too often and, having kids myself, I just don't get it AT ALL. I saw it again just this morning so I'm feeling the need to complain about it.

Why would anyone in their right mind let their kid COVER the back seat windows with stickers?

Those cars are everywhere....and all you can see as they drive by you on the highway is a back seat window with little teeny white splotches all over it, some unsuccessfully torn off leaving that lovely adhesive (read: concrete) behind.


What made this all so much worse for me was the car I saw this morning...a not-at-all cheap Mercedes with tinted windows and (ugh) STICKERS on this inside of the window. I mean, I get that your kid it at that perfect height while sitting in a car seat, but what's wrong with giving him/her a toy to play with, preferably one that doesn't involve adhesive...or how about just look out the window, kid. You might see something crazy. I see crazy shit all the time.

My kids have never had the urge to put stickers on the window. They would just put them all over themselves and their clothing, which would end up in the wash...and then the dryer...and we have some great worn-in sweatshirts with adhesive "stains" on them (I swear, it doesn't come off)...but NOT the car windows.

The occasional Cheerio in the impossible-to-access spaces between the seat and the seat belt buckle?Yes. Stickers? Hell no.

I don't even like going through the effort to scrape off my county registration sticker and replace it with a new one every year.

This is the only car sticker I approve of