Monday, February 11, 2013

I don't care, I'm comfortable

I was having lunch today with two good girlfriends and was told, in no uncertain terms, that a new rant was needed. So Instead of complaining about how people in theme parks don't understand how to stand in a single file line, I will instead share the details of the discussion we were having to which I believe most women can relate.

When relaxing in the evenings or on weekends, particularly in the cold winter months, I know I'm always trying to stay warm. The blanket on the couch has gotten considerably more use than my pull-up bar, but the goal is to not freeze to death so I know if I put on a little workout T-shirt I could easily get hypothermia which is no good for anybody, especially me.

This is where home fashion comes into play.

Everyone has their favorite article of comfy, guaranteed-not-to-freeze-to-death-if I-wear-this, clothing. Definitely hideous, certainly has at least one hole, always the wrong size, and no one cares what it looks like....except for the husband.

I enjoy my yoga pants...they're awesome for sitting on the couch drinking wine. Super comfy, but Richard says they make my butt look "weird". My friend Nadia has her over sized Navajo-print, old-lady, cookie sweater that her husband (and a few others) would like to see unceremoniously set ablaze and reduced to ashes. We all have that one thing, and it's always the guys who are bitching about it.

So let's talk about the guys for a minute...

If I can't wear my yoga pants (without butt ridicule) and Nadia can't wear her cookie sweater....then your pit-stained undershirts and your boxers that have managed to stretch themselves to a size not meant for a human need to never see the light of day. Don't forget the miss-matched socks that have 47 holes in them and the jeans you refuse to wash rendering them fully capable of walking to the 7-11 on their own.

I will admit there are very valid complaints on both sides of the house, but let Nadia have her sweater. It's warm, and could mean life or death and she won't share with you, judgy bystanders who shall remain nameless. So that means YOU could freeze to death, think about that for a minute.

And as our lunch conversation moved into when to wear your "A" team underwear (vs. all the other more questionable teams) it occurred to me...it's not okay to stop trying.

So ladies, don't wait for a special occasion to wear the "A" team underwear, but it's still okay to be comfy.

And guys, if you still want to walk around with your hand in your pants (likely contending with the inhuman sized boxers) then we can have our cookie sweaters.
And we will wear them, because that shit is WARM.

Don't forget...you're one complaint away from hypothermia.

Monday, February 4, 2013

How to dress for the weather

Here's an idea...when planning to spend and entire day in a theme park, be sure to dress in comfortable clothing, preferably in layers in case it gets too cold or too warm.

Advice clearly NOT AT ALL taken judging (operative word) by how some of the people I saw at Epcot were dressed.

It was a very breezy 62 degrees in Orlando that day. The sun was shining, but all of us were dressed in jeans and light jackets and were comfortable. But on the way in I spied no fewer than 15 very inappropriately dressed teenage girls in short shorts (the kind where your cheeks fall out, or maybe that's just me) and toddler sized T-shirts.

What?

Naturally I immediately texted Megan and informed her of the fashion tragedies all around me. Her response? "Their obvious hotness keeps them warm. duh".

True.

But hey, just because it's Florida doesn't mean it's a beach day.

And who lets their daughter dress like that?? Apparently a lot of people because they were everywhere and they looked really cold.

Morons.

Every day before heading out I stepped outside to see what the temperature was like so I would be fully prepared when one of the kids started whining about being too cold. It's not hard to do.

What if that's all they packed and there's just nothing else to wear, you ask??

Please....buy stuff! That's what Disney is for, right? So you can spend your life's savings on sweatshirts with characters embroidered on the back.

I'm hoping their parents at least asked them to dress a little warmer and then refused to buy them overpriced clothing when they started to whine about it. Something tells me they gave in anyway.

I saw a few of the fashion disasters later in the day and they had their "I look super cute in this so I'm NOT wearing a sweatshirt" faces on. Way to stick it out, girls.

Next up...Obnoxious herding mentality. It's not just for wild animals.